Because I am a fairly (ok...very) strong willed woman who wants to do better than just survive or just get by, there is one huge thing I have not understood through out the process of walking with some of those women. Why is it that women, just like the one in "Love The Way You Lie" , continue to go back into a relationship where she is consistently abused mentally, verbally and physically?
...Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball.
Next time I'm p*****d I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time there won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know it's lies...
Lies! He's telling her it's lies and his actions show her that it's lies but yet she keeps going back. I know people make mistakes, God's love is full of grace and mercy and people can change yet some of these women go back knowing the men have not changed.
Rhianna sings a part in the song that says...
...Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie...
One of my friends has been going back and forth in a very unhealthy marriage that involves an affair, the husband not providing for his family, alcoholism and dealing with the drama of the pregnant girlfriend (from the affair) and even though she loves the Lord, has been through counseling and her and I meet on a regular basis she still wants to try and work it out. I asked her recently, "Why do you want to keep going back when there are no signs of change?" She said, "Because it wasn't suppose to end up like this and I want to do as much as I can to make it work because I made a commitment to God." This is where I lose the understanding. Not that I don't understand why she goes back or her honoring her commitment to God but I guess it's that I don't understand why she does not feel worthy enough and not feel she deserves better for herself? (which I've asked her but haven't gotten a clear answer yet) I'm all for doing everything, short of sin, to make a marriage work but the Bible says that if an affair happens you can say, "Adios." I believe if I was in that situation I would work on my forgiveness, which the Bible also says we must do, but I would do it from my new house with my new life because I want to live my life to it's full potential especially in my marriage, and abuse and/or affairs are not my idea of living to mine or God's full potential for my life. (Thank you Lord for my wonderful husband who loves You so much that you come first in his life and that I'm not in that situation)
I'm not writing this for any woman to feel condemnation for going back to an unhealthy or abusive relationship. I'm writing this because I want to understand why and I want other women to understand why. I was in a relationship, from age 17-21, that didn't start out with physical abuse but before the physical abuse started I took him back multiple times after he cheated. The day I was picked up by my head and thrown across the room by this guy the hard landing must have knocked some sense into me because God showed me my worth and that I deserved better and I left that relationship. I honestly I can't say that I remember why I went back all the times before except for the fact that I was young and had no godly examples in my life then. Thank God for his grace, his mercy and placing some awesome women in my life who have helped me become whole and confident in Christ.
*** If you are in an emotional, mental or physically abusive relationship there is a way out. Especially if you are in a physically abusive relationship. I have added some links to resources for you to seek help. Also, feel free to leave comments or email me if you need help.